A list of the music I've been enjoying, especially within the past year...though not all are new loves....
-George Harrison...All Things Must Pass
-Beck...Modern Guilt
-Julie Ruin
-Chopin
-Belle & Sebastian
-Devendra Banhart...Cripple Crow
-Flight of the Conchords
-Juno soundtrack
-Kimya Dawson
-the Moldy Peaches
-Lemon Jelly...Lost Horizons
-Tori Amos
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Lacking
I'm really grasping at straws when I think about passion. I've been lacking it......or, it comes & goes in fleeting chunks.....odd moments of excitement belie my placid core, encouraging me to think that i've found it, when really i dont know if it's really there. I complain to my mom and she tells me "you do this a lot you know. your existential crises". I know. I read your blogs & your words & your photos exude many kinds of passion and observation. Maybe it's not there, but from someone who is reading your blog, it's at least how I interpret it. Just experiencing. That's nice.
What bothers me is that I just keep realizing that I probably won't ever be working in a passionate way. I am sorry, I know that the American way is such that the majority of citizens work a meaningless job, just to be a drone to bring the $$$ in, so you can pay your bills and continue giving money back to the queen bee. That money that you work 40 hours a week for. Well, it just goes back to the system and that is the way that these things go. Most people just bend over. I do too, but then I know that at my core it really bothers me. I don't like doing unpassionate work. Maybe it's something wrong with me, maybe I'm just unappreciative. But I do know some things that I feel passionate about: knitting, cooking, writing in my journal, exercising, exploring new places & locales, learning new skills
I know some things I want to do: I want an airplane pilot's license. I want to really explore the west. To go visit Joshua Tree in southern California. To someday get pregnant, carry that child, birth it, feed & nourish it, love it, help it grow, try in whatever way possible to let it not feel pain. I want a dog [pomeranian] companion.
I know some things I don't want to do: I don't want to continue working like a drone. Don't want to miss out on rare experiences. Don't want to live in debt. Not to be bitter.
I need to figure it out. More limbo continues. I am looking forward to the summer, to a new life out west to see what awaits us. Maybe I should start working again on that published work that I keep starting but never complete.
What bothers me is that I just keep realizing that I probably won't ever be working in a passionate way. I am sorry, I know that the American way is such that the majority of citizens work a meaningless job, just to be a drone to bring the $$$ in, so you can pay your bills and continue giving money back to the queen bee. That money that you work 40 hours a week for. Well, it just goes back to the system and that is the way that these things go. Most people just bend over. I do too, but then I know that at my core it really bothers me. I don't like doing unpassionate work. Maybe it's something wrong with me, maybe I'm just unappreciative. But I do know some things that I feel passionate about: knitting, cooking, writing in my journal, exercising, exploring new places & locales, learning new skills
I know some things I want to do: I want an airplane pilot's license. I want to really explore the west. To go visit Joshua Tree in southern California. To someday get pregnant, carry that child, birth it, feed & nourish it, love it, help it grow, try in whatever way possible to let it not feel pain. I want a dog [pomeranian] companion.
I know some things I don't want to do: I don't want to continue working like a drone. Don't want to miss out on rare experiences. Don't want to live in debt. Not to be bitter.
I need to figure it out. More limbo continues. I am looking forward to the summer, to a new life out west to see what awaits us. Maybe I should start working again on that published work that I keep starting but never complete.
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